Green Eggs

I have lots to do today.

I need to write and send out my Christmas cards (no Edward Gorey this year), finish re-spooling approximately 700 yards of 550 cord, play some Xbox, put off cleaning for another day, make leftovers for dinner, drink a martini, take a bubble bath...oh, the trials and tribulations of being a housewife.

I baked a 10lb ham last night and then put a spicy mustard/honey/cider vinegar glaze on it. It was delicious and the smell of baked pork products is still roaming through our apartment. This thing better last us at least a week.

I've recently discovered the joys of Advil PM. I don't know how I ever lived without this stuff when I needed to get some sleep. But being that my bedtime these days is around 10:00 PM, these little blue pills are heaven sent. The only problem is that I wake up really early with them. I got up at 3:30 AM this morning, well really only because that's when he has to wake up for work today, but I was pretty much already awake by 3:00 AM. Awesome. Last Saturday I believe we got up at 6:30 AM. Right, on a Saturday.

Tasty when mixed with vodka and a maraschino cherry garnish....I'm guessing. Unfortunately we can't afford maraschino cherries.

It's wonderful stuff, people.

'Tis The Season To Be Whorey

My early Christmas present from Clint was my very own controller for the Xbox. Now I can play video games all day in style.

I also asked if we could get a *little* Christmas tree for the apartment. I haven't had an actual tree for the birth of baby Hay-Zeus in a very long time because I used to live with wild animals which are known to most people by the simple term of cats. These "cats" loved drinking the tree water and climbing the thing like it was Mt. Everest, so any sort of upright plant life in our home was a no-go. Now that I have my own place and no cats in sight (at least not yet) I could finally have a damn tree.

So right, I asked if we could get a little tree. Clint's response was, "I guess" and that was the end of that. There is a Christmas tree farm where the pumpkin patch used to be in the parking lot of the Kmart. They have what I would call little trees that are about 2'-3' tall, which is exactly what I wanted because our apartment is not big.

The other night he comes home with a tree that is taller than I am (to put this in perspective, I am about 5'4"). This tree, with stand is around 6'2".

I asked him why such a big tree, he said it was the smallest one they had, so I have no idea where he got this thing from. After that we went grocery shopping (they were having a sale on mustard - 10 for $10 - but we could not figure out what we were going to do with 10 bottles of mustard even though we both love the stuff.

After we came home I asked when we were going to put the tree up, "I don't know, you wanted the thing" was the answer I received. You see, Clint isn't really into the whole Christmas thing. Me on the other hand, I like the cheesy part of the holiday. The Christmas carols, red rider bb guns, gingerbread men, snow (but not in Texas!) and tinsel.

I went to Kmart and got some tree trimming things....and then the tree sat on our living room floor for two days, still in its sad little net from the tree farm.

I decided to be proactive on Friday and get this thing going - so after two hours of wrestling with this tree, cutting off branches with a serrated kitchen knife and having needles poke me in the eye I got the damn thing upright and sturdy. All by myself without any help from Grinch Master Clint.

BEHOLD! (pictures are crappy because they were taken with my blackberry. I managed to leave my digital camera charger back in New Jersey. Way to go, me.)

Our tree topper is a skull mask, because that is how we roll.

He says he hates Christmas but I catch him looking at the tree every once in a while when it's lit up. I think he secretly loves my (our) tree.

Whatever

He officially got stop-lossed last week, which means he will be going back to Iraq, probably in the early summer.

Yesterday he found out that he will be going to NTC, which is a training center in California that lasts six weeks between January and February. At first he wasn't going, but apparently Sgt. Major changed his mind. Awesome.

I might be going back home to New Jersey some time during those six weeks, but I don't know yet. I guess it beats sitting around in El Paso...alone.

This is my life at the moment.

Death Grips and Bananas

I saw my first scorpion today!

The day started out with me going out on a date with a fellow Army wife I met through my other blog. We went on a romantic ride through the mountains which took us to the Outlet Mall, which was awesome, by the way.

There was this coffee shop there that had a Banana Mocha drink on the menu. We did not stay for delicious warm beverages because we would have had to sit outside and it's was pretty cold out today (45 degrees) so we left and went to go get some Mexican tummy treats which consisted of salsa that burned our tongues off and enchiladas!

I got home around 7:30 and was bored so I decided to go to the local hot spot, also known as Kmart, to browse around and purchase some toilet paper and Almond Joys. I spent about an hour there and was on my merry way, while I was walking through the parking lot I looked down and saw it! A tiny baby scorpion no bigger than an inch crawling around on the ground. It actually kind of freaked me out and I walked a little faster so it could not attack me. After that I told myself I did not want to train them.

That's my story.

But ever since I got home I've been having wet daydreams about this Banana Mocha nonsense. BANANA MOCHA! Clint is like me, he is introverted and needs to be motivated to go out and do something. So once he returns (one more week!) I'm going to force him to go out and tell him I want to go to the outlet mall just so I can get one of these banana mocha things....and also some bubble bath stuff from Bath and Body Works.

He would be buying, of course.

World Wide Woe Is Me

Clint left today, he has to go out into the field to do some Brigade nonsense thing. He'll be gone for two weeks and return some time between November 24-27. :(

Also I have no money, electric bill is due next week, and our internet wasn't working so I had to call Time Warner and have them come set it up and take more money from me that...oh right, I don't have (credit card).

I'm going to be eating nothing but pasta and frozen vegetables because we couldn't go grocery shopping before he left because his bank is dumb.

I might just take his sleeping pills every day and sleep for two weeks straight, not like I can do much of anything else.

AND today is his birthday. He's 31.

The Birds!

I have a craving for Ovaltine and croutons.

Last night I woke up around 2:00 AM and couldn't fall back asleep until around 4:00 AM...and then waking up at 4:30 - it was good times.

So after Clint left to go to work I tried to go back to sleep, only thing is I COULD NOT because there are a trillionty birds outside loitering in the trees chirping away. Seriously, it's an ungodly amount of noise, so much it sounds like we're living in the middle of the Amazon. You know, the rainforest we have here in Texas.

Remember in "Steel Magnolias" when Drum has to get rid of the millions of birds in the trees before Shelby's reception and he shoots them out of there, that is what I would like to do. The only think I'm lacking in is a gun (and Ovaltine). Being that I am now a cowgirl and it's legal to pack heat, I should probably work on that.

But it all makes perfect sense now! The complex we live in is called Raintree. I'm sure that accounts for all the birds and not the fact that Raintree Drive is across the street. They should have put that on their website.

I also decided to go out and make a video. What else have I got going on at 6:00 AM anyway since I can't sleep BECAUSE OF ALL THE DAMN BIRDS.

So here's my shit quality video of those damn birds. Amp up the chirping sound by eighty five million (85,000,000) and that's what you hear from my point of view.

The Birds of Texas from Daimiel on Vimeo.

I have also decided that no way am I getting my eyebrows waxed in Texico so I have to pull out the tweezers instead. I know that if I let someone here pour hot wax on my face I'll end up leaning like a chola. No thanks!

The Great Pumpkin

It's crisp and 39 degrees here right now. The perfect weather for crawling around on the porch to take pictures of a pumpkin.

The first day I was here after I got picked up at the airport and we were driving to the apartment we passed a so-called "pumpkin patch" - and I used the term pumpkin patch loosely because it was just a guy and a bunch of pumpkins enclosed in a chain link fence in the parking lot of the local Kmart.

I mentioned something and we pulled up next to it so I could go pick out one. We've had this pumpkin sitting in our kitchen for the last three weeks collecting dust, so earlier this week I finally drew a face on it and we carved it last night after Clint got home from work. Halloween is only a week away anyway.

I decided to make a super awesome CYCLOPS PUMPKIN OF DOOM - it's okay. It could have been better, but whatever. I need to find some of those flameless tea lights. Maybe I can find them at the Kmart next to the pumpkin patch.

Added Bonus: While I was carving, Clint said, "don't cut yourself" and I said, "I won't cut myself" - I managed to cut myself. He then went on to tell me I was going to get gangrene and die. Then he kissed it to make it feel better and complained about me giving him AIDS. :(

Edit: I do not have AIDS, by the way.

View from Above

So here's the gorgeous view we have from our balcony (click to see it slightly larger).

That would be a Denny's right across the street...and then right behind it the Franklin Mountains. That's pretty much the only scenery we have around here. Mind blowing!

I took a few pictures of the apartment, but since we still have no furniture (and we're still sleeping in a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor) that's not really worth seeing. Plus, Clint's got his Army crap all over the place - no one wants to see that.

With any luck we'll be getting a bed this weekend, since he's got his car back and such and we don't have to float around on the ridiculous bus system that they've got around these parts. As romantic as it sounds sleeping cuddled up in a ball of fluff on the floor for three weeks...I'm kind of done with that. Give me mattresses and pillow tops and squishy comforters! My aching joints need a rest from camping out on carpeting.

Schedules

I think I've finally gotten used to the schedule.

Wake up at 4:30 AM
In bed by 10:00 PM (sometimes earlier)

On the weekends we wake up around 7:00 AM - it's awesome. Back home I usually wouldn't even go to sleep until 7:00 AM on the weekends. If I could make money being a vampire, that would probably be my best career option. But since people usually frown upon sucking blood and such, unless you're on TV, it might not work out so well for me.

I found the cable for my camera so I can finally take some pictures of beautiful El Paso and post them. The only thing that really worth wile to see is the view of the Franklin Mountains from our balcony. Other than that, there's a lot of dust and dirt, some cacti - no scorpions.

Happy Matrimony

Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive.

Before I packed up my computer to be shipped off halfway across the country, I set this up so I would be able to post from my Blackberry. Unfortunately somewhere along the way I forgot how to do that, or Blogger blacklisted me because it said I needed to subscribe to phone postings (which I had already done) - so who knows! But my computer made it here without UPS breaking it, and it seems we've had internet the whole time.

The internet seems to be included in our cable, which is included in our rent. We don't really know. We have it and we're not asking questions. Simple as that.

So yeah, we went and got married on October 9th. It started out the day before when Clint came home from work and told me he had a surprise for me the next day. I tried to pry it out of him with no success - that surprise turned into him having off the next day (and then some) and him driving us to downtown El Paso - I didn't realized why we were there until I realized we were walking up to the courthouse and he said, "have you figured it out yet?"

It was the best surprise ever and let me tell you, Justice of the Peace ALL THE WAY! None of the retarded pomp and circumstance that is associated with typical weddings these days that always end up turning into Dance Party USA that you blew your savings on. This cost is a total of $105 and I thought it was absolutely perfect.

After we said our "I Will's" we set off for a long five-day weekend of newlywed bliss since he didn't have to go back to work until today.

That is where the wedding day extravaganza began that led us on an all day unexpected adventure through the wilderness of El Paso...but that's another story for next time.

Right now I have laundry to do, some vacuuming, the dishwasher is washing dishes and then I get to wait until 5:30 PM when he returns home from work.

Housewifeing? Yes, please!

Circus Sideshow

I don't know why but I actually found myself Googling about training scorpions (what else do I have going on at 3:30 AM?). I failed to find anything that would really give me the means to form my own scorpion freakshow, but I did manage to find that keeping scorpions as pets is a pretty popular thing. I think I'm going to pass on that idea, because really. I hate insects and I don't want one living in a glass aquarium a few feet away from where I sleep. Especially one with a giant stinger attached to its ass.

No thanks.

We apparently have a horned lizard moving in with us anyway (also known a horny toad - I know Holly is probably giggling at that) named Dexter. It's going to be great, except I won't be the one feeding it crickets. As a defense mechanism, these things have the ability to shoot blood out of its eyes up to three feet away. I don't know about you but that sounds AWESOME!

As far as Dexter(s) go; the resemblance is uncanny.

Is anyone watching Season 3? I don't have Showtime because I'm lame, but I saw the first episode of it on the webernets and it was just all right...except for at the end. OMGRITA?!

Big Bonin' in Bayonne

New Jersey: The Garden State. Known to many as The Dirrrty Jerzy. This is the place I called home for my entire 25 years of life.

Contrary to popular belief it is not the toxic waste trashbucket people make it out to be (despite what the video I'm about to post leads you to believe).

It is the diner capitol of the world. We've also got the best tomatoes, Frank Sinatra, salt water taffy, the inspiration for Jaws, the Jersey Devil, salt water taffy, it's illegal or us to pump our own gas, world leader in cranberry and blueberry production, salt water taffy, taylor ham and we stole Ellis Island from New York. Best state EVER.

I like salt water taffy if you didn't know.

This video has been posted up and down the internet already; but I still can't get enough of it. It also serves as the inspiration for the name of this blog Riding Dirrrty in Texas.

You probably won't get a majority of the references unless you live here are from here, but it's still worth a watch.

Five and Counting

My friend Holly (I miss you!) casually suggested I start a blog so my friends could follow me along on my little journey to becoming a cowgirl. Which, contrary to popular belief, was not a lifelong dream. I already have a blog somewhere else, but it's kind of silly and I feel weird when people I know in real life happen upon it. So starting new one was a good idea, dedicated only to the uprooting of my life as I once knew it.

Tally ho!

Other than that, the countdown now begins...actually it began two days ago but details are irrelevant at this moment. Five days until something happens, and by something I mean making use of my one-way ticket to Texas. Will it be like taking a trip to hell in a hand basket or more like floating to heaven on a feather? I'll let you know once I get there, but I'm staying positive.

Now that "the day" is so close I'm starting to wonder, "what the hell am I doing!?!" Did I suffer some sort of brain contusion? Possibly. Possibly not. I believe the technical term is cold feet or whatever, but the freaking out has begun that's for sure.

I hate to say stuff like this but I hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm a person who hates change, I hate being thrown into an element I'm unfamiliar with, swimming in uncharted waters and such. On the upside I'm malleable and can adjust to almost any situation, but I tend to avoid the unknown like the plague if I can help it. So if I was not absolutely sure about this I don't think I would be going through with it. Right?

Right.

Here's to tumbleweed, and tarantulas, and being stung in the ass by scorpions, and dust storms, and all of the other wonderful things I have heard about El Paso...

Testing

THIS IS A TESTING of the posting.